#27 Big changes, small changes, changes, changes

Elena shaved her hair off, I had a fall out with Chris and I acutally still have my massage therapy going.
Got the massages against my tense shoulder, its hightly interesting. Thw massage therapist is a real sweet and funny woman, very warm, pretty and young. We get along quite well.
Chris is pissed off because he told me something personal and I said it was boring. Yep, my stupid mouth again, it wasn't actually that boring, no fucking clue why I said that. Its really sad, i like him and he doesn't even reply to my mails. The weird thing is that I think afte appologising and being sorry there is no point in being pissed off with me for much longer, instread, shouldn't he talk to me and put me straight instead of being an ice cube? I miss him a lot. Feels shit like it is right now.
So proud of Elena, since she shaved her hair off... I am well impressed th her braveness and she looks great.
I'm a bit down because I don't like to fight and I want Chris to talk to me again though I know I am gonna have to be patient. And maybe een that won't be worth the time, depending how big his pride is.
Sorry for not writing for so long- I am buzy lately and I didn't fell like writing sometimes. Later xxx

#25 best fucking news of the day

John mayer and Jessica Simpson split up.
The first time ever celeb gossip gets me hahahahaha

#24 What animal were you in past life?

You Were An Owl

You are stealthy and secretive - no one knows the true you. You are a seeker of freedom, and you are comfortable with your dark side.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

#23 Car trouble

Now, not that this would concern ME, but...

Moms old Honda Civic broke down about 2 weeks ago. Thats fair enough and okay as she wn't need it anymore (at least not as bad) as shes been transferred to a school in Frankfurt and not a town about 45 minutes away from here where she's been working the passed few years.
Now, the car broke down and well--- fixing costs wouldnt have made up the damaged caused to your eyes only looking at it for longer than 20 seconds so we had it crashed.
Mom borrowed our neighbours/friends car, dropped the remote-unlocking key. A chip fell out. The car wouldn't start. RRRRRRrright. She's gonna have to pay for the 80 € replacement as we can't find the chip thingy.
Now mom and Claus borrowed Claus best friends/colleagues secondary car. They were to take off to holiday tomorrow, friday. Yeah, no. When they got up this morning someone had the window on the passengers seat side smashed in. Nothing was stolen as far as we could tell. Still, about 400-500 € damage. Screw this!!!

Maybe some minor god is trying to tell mom to eiher buy a propper car herslf OR leave her hands off cars in general. hmmmmm...

#22 New friends, old friends, reasons, seasons and forever?

God day everyone.

Firstly: Its scary how many people are actually interested in my blog... every time I come online I see how many ppl logged onto my page and it varies in between 20 and 40 daily ... pretty scary, pretty great. Thanks peeps!

So now...
There's been a few changes in my life. While over the passed week my back's been propperly fucked up and I hardly could move (I went to the doctor who prescribed me fango-warming-pacs, 10 times, massages, 10 times, and physical edcucational therapy,10 times- I'm gonna be a fucking beauty as soon as I am done with that crap!!!) people decided to actually come to me and do me all the favours I asked them to do me about 4 months ago.
The nanny agency I am registered with called and told me some families that were interested in my service- english baby sitting, 10 Euo an hour.
The English Theatre called as well and asked me if I still wanted to work for them. Hell yes I do! So next week I am gonna do 3 days of test-working there (and yes, they bloody well will keep me there!I'm great!).

Besides from that Daphi, me and Daphi's roomie, Michael are gonna meet up in London and go see that John Mayer concert in September. They come flying from Sweden, I'll be coming from Germany... need to check out whos way is further away, but my random guess is the swedish guys lol ( I just checked and they actually have about twice my distance from London lol ... right, THEY won!)
SOooooo fucking looking forward to that.

Now dads gonna pay 220 euro for my flat. Moms gonna pay 380 so I am gonna have 600 to deal with. Getting my own flat. Yay. Again. Yay. Signing the contract today.

And then we looked into our regional discounters leaflet. School stuff. So while Mom and Claus are out to some hardly pronouncable country to ... climb mountains or so... I'll be happy to go to ALDI and buy our school crap. College Blocks, pens, sticky notes, paper and so on...

Chris wrote me today saying he's alright and that he's just verrrrry buzy. Hoping for him to fucking come to Frankfurt soon. Can't wait to do something with him and if it's only playing pool and having a glass beer!
What else? Yeah, my parents are gone from friday on (holiday, remeber?) and on Saturday Josh is gonna be here. Glad my parents will be gone- Josh sort of forces me to scream and squeal and not be able to keep my mouth shut.
So yeah. All good in my hood.

#21 Mom, Claus and me: night-talks

I am demanded to come over to the kitchen to chat. Chat as in... have fun talking about anything and everything (which usually ends up in rather emotional corners of moms brain, which she tries to project as very rational facts into other peoples brains).
So tonight I finally got the chance to talk about the wedding and Victor coming here to see me after the wedding...
Then we got into talking how my parents split up, my grandma ("Nonna" ital. for "granny") and all that sort of stuff.

Right, my parents got to know each other at a theatre play of the "Nibelung Saga", good old German fairytale- mom was the male main character "Siegfried". Lucky then: Mom got preggers and they decided to keep me. As in "not abort me". Mom says, they didn't even discuss that.
Right, so eventually they moved into tha commune house-thing where I grew up.
When I was 5 the relationship was going downhill and they had the brilliant idea of getting married. I remotely remember that.
Mom happened to go have photos done that came back and showed my dad having sex with another girl mom knew. What a nice way of finding out.
She went to holland with her best friend and when she called home, me a tiny 6 year old told her about dad and me having a visitor and now nice it was. She knew it was that lady. It didn't last, after that relationship ithink he met Andrea, his wife now. Andreas husband and mom were even betting how long it'd go (not actually giving it a lot of time) ..."well, I think that was a bit of mis-calculation" mom says and giggles.
...
Over the last few years these talks to mom had me understand what happened in her life all the more. Every time she opens up a bit more.
It's good.
And at some point the fascination about my dad, my obsession of putting him on a higher level at my mom - it had to pass.
Full stop.
Now this is how you start your life into "grown-up"-business... Welcome world: This is me

#20 The girl/boy-thing

Now this is stupid. Today I managed to insult my dear and beloved ex Keith by using the english language as tool to make a complete twat of myself (I honestly said EXACTLY the opposite of what I meant to say!!! How very well done!) and I possibly annoyed hot Josh by calling him. Good me though, when he said he'd call back and didn't I didn't bother either. He wants his freedom and I for once want to know what it's like to be cool.

See, the girl/boy thing is working only too well for me!!! I am a girl. Clearly. I make pointless phone calls, I buy lipgloss (and I even buy it by taste, not necessarily by colour!) and yes, fuck yes, I do bloody well menstruate! I do.

So when he asks me:"Are you klingy?" and I say: "No, me being klingy wouldn't make you want to see or talk to me any more often, would it?" then THAT is clearly the right and logical (though faaaaaaar from an honest) answer.
As I said. I am trying to find out how to be cool.

(Chris is gonna laugh about me when he hears all this. Where's Chris anyway? Bloody solicitors!)

#19 Number 96

Yeah now this date...
Was friggin awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And he's damn hot. Meeeeow! Didn't even have to hold myself back from cuddleing-needs, he just curled up behind me and wrapped his arms around me...
Goddamn he is HOT!
See, when someone asks me what I am looking for in a man its like... blah, humour, brains, good heart and so on- now with him thats a given anyway. Being the whole package he is he knows how to be mean in a good way, how to make me squeal, he is honest in an almost blunt way and slightly mad (nothing bad up to this point!). He's a DAMN FUCKING GRAND lay!!!!
Yeah I'll try not to fall for him unless he does. And I'll have a looooooooot of fun in bed until then. (This is the proof: I am his number 96 in bed, and YES, practise makes a master!)
MEOWWWW!
His name is Joshua by the way...

#18 Plans for the weekend?

Yeah, actually I do have my weekend planned!

Mom and Claus are on their way to see Claus' mom, Marianne, who just had a new hip put into her body (christ, I never thought abou HOW they do that but my plan how I'd do that requires a clinically dead human!). They plan on staying away over night, though that isn't sure...

So tonigh Joshua is coming over (did I mention I have a thing for red heads? And gingers?). We'll see how it goes.

Tomorrow I'll help granny out in the garden ("Ahhhh finally getting some money in again!!" was my first thought, my second one was: "Damn, my shoulder is fucked up anyway. I hope they won't make me use the bloody claw!!!").

My personal preferences for this (and any other weekend):

#17 Stephen Henderson

I've just been to the football field here in Frankfurt. My new flats gonna be 10 minutes away from it.
This week Stephen (you actually pronounce it Steffen, not Steven) asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema with him. Stephen is american, short, handsome, lovely complexion and very easy to make happy and smile- my ex boyfriend (we've been together for about 3 weeks- I am a master with long-term relationships, I can tell!) and we still get along brilliantly.
He's always been playing football. He looks damn cute with those protecting thingies on.
The thing I wanted to talk about though is that it is nice how we get along now. He did something wrong, he said he never had time for me but I always knew that he was only hoping he was in love with me and his priorities were all mixed up because he actually WASN'T in love.
Stephen is a VERY decent guy. Emotional. A bit messed up. A bit indecicive and unconcidered in what he does and why he does it. Still I think I made a catch in him and I had a good time with him.
Today at some point he was sitting far off, overlooking the football field. I walked up and sat behind him, wrapped my arms around his shouldes and we had a talk. He said how weird it was to be leaving on monday.
Pretty much all army bases are closing in Germany, I think about 5 will stay opened (one of them being the biggest base out of North America with the biggest army hospital out of the USA as well), anyway, the other ones are pretty much closing down.
--- That means that 98% of the here stationed soldiers go home to the US. It means as well that 90% of the german army sluts are unemployed and the other 10% aregetting married to some dickhead to get into the States. ---
Stephen, now, is leaving on monday. He is going back to Texas. And not coming back. Eventhough he says he'd like to have stayed a bit longer.
Babe, I wish you all good in this world. You are right, you need "alone-time". You need to feel deserted and I know it's gonna be horrible. I'm gonna be here to support you though. ANd yes, I will come and see you if I should ever pass through L.A.--- and yes, I'll be happy to come to your "hood" (hahahahaa can't believe I actually wrote that word down!!!)
Thanks for what you've given me Stephen.
I Hope, so much, that you'll be happier with yourself the next time I see you.





(...and when I see you I'll give you those back, but up until then Ill keep them as, in case of the t-shirt, smelly reminder of you. I'll not forget you, babe!)

#16 creativity in my family...

Now I have a rather creative family.

Mom is art teacher, dad's a sculpturer, paints, draws and writes, Andrea, his wife is dance therapist and really good with decoration and colour, Willem, my brother is a rapper and writes his own lyrics, Benny, my step brother, is a joiner (germ.: "Schreiner") and did real nice master piece,his younger brother Matze is a chef... and so on...
All the drawings on here are done by MEEEEE!!! Feel free to click on all the posted pictures and photos to enlarge...

(Mom did this one... Picture of Claus, shaving ^^, my mom's artistic identification symbol is a smiling lozenge, the german word is "Karo" and her name is Caro(line)! So cute!)

#15 John Mayer and me...

Since that Daphi-guy got me hooked on John Mayer I am obsessed (yeah, I mentioned before). For now I pretty much can sing along every single song of the 4 albums I have... and every day I read another song text online and pend some time thinking about it.
Today I went on his website http://www.johnmayer.com/ and the first thing that jumps in my face is a announcement- John Mayer is playing at the Royal Albert all in London. First thought was: I HAVE to go. I will go. No way I can miss that. Second thought consisted of tattery mental drooling and the sudden memoy of not being able to afford it.
Yeah, FUCK that. If I have to I'll just not make holiday and not get as christmas and/or birthday present- I can't miss this. I am not crazy, I am just someone who's life consists of 90% music! The other 10% are sleeping (9,7%) and smoking (0,3%).
Bless John Mayer. He is a fantastic song writer and musician!!!

(I tried to find a good picture of him and it took a while... oh well, he doesn't need be drop dead gorgeous- he's awesome anyway, and full packages are plain scary!!!)

#14 mom and me

Mom and me have been fighting for years. I am puzzled how life goes for us right now.
Today woke up dreaming of my mom being pissed off with me and wanting me to move out asap because I did something she didn't like... and then I woke up and thought: "Oh, now nice, no tantrum!!!"
By now we don't argue anymore. We discuss and work things out. Without an educational background, we just get along anyway and need to sort some things out... it actually feels like we are friends now.


Last night mom came home from her last night on her old school, saying good bye to her pupils, she had all dressed up and asked me for make up tipps. She came home about 1:30 in the morning and I was smoking a fag on the balcony. She came outside to join me and started telling me how her evening was. Not that I asked for it- she just came up and told me how it was, just sharing her experiance. Very nice. I guess I can learn that of her, just opening up and letting someone into my world spontaneously!

Yep, fair enough, friends it is, then...

#13 did i mention?...

Did I mention Dave is an absolute deseaster?
We stopped talking about 4 months ago because the conversation went a bit like
E: "Dave, I don't get why we are talking at all. You bore me"
D: "Well then, have a good life blahblah"
E: "Yeah, you have a good life too, blahhhh!"

So he came back online again and well... how are you Ellen, oh, that's good, when are you coming back to the UK?, what? Why 2 years??? Let's be friends... I miss you... can I see your tits? Willyou visit me next weekend? I'll pay. Why is that guy coming over? Well i heared that you said you two were friends, why don't you shag him anyway? No, I am not jealous...
And so on. Its just so over. I don't know why it's so hard for him to understand. Dave reacts to attention like a gummi bear to water, he blows up and gets soppy then he blows up even more and becomes disgusting...
The best thing I can do now is turning away. Again. I'm not even sad to be honest, it's just so stupid!
GAH! He says hes a brand new person and that he changed--- not only that this isn't true and that he is still blind about it... I actually couldn't care any less.

#12 the day after

came back from wedding yesterday and am now ill. sore throat, heavy legs, headache, snotty nose that keeps producing slime of a colour i didnt knew existed.
I am gonna tell more as soon as i stop seeing everything twice (*HATSCHIIIIII*) and spraying snot over the keyboard...
xxx
Ellen