#5 sex and goooood sex

***
Elena was so kind to send me a link to a video on porntube, the manual (hehehe, litterately! Now that was a clever joke, huh?) to a womans g-spot-orgasm.

Now, dear men, as you might have noticed there is a very broad amount of women that start moaning when you fuck them, about half of them enjoy what you're doing, about 7% can actually cum only due to penetration.
I belong to the other 93% that need either clitoral or g-spot-massage to cum. And I am so fed up with men giving me all the disappointed looks and hurt egos because they couldn't make me cum just by sticking something inside me (I always wonder if they don't think about the fact through that canal usually babies are born and we definately don't want to have a equivalent sensation to that as to you're so thought-of wonder cocks!).


She asked me if I have ever had someone do that to me and when I thought about it I said yes, as I remebered my ex Dave.

"Dont think he every watched that, this was just his way of fingering- possibly the only good reason why i stayed with him for so long" ^^

So there's sex and theres good sex. Sometimes I wonder if the female orgasm is part of sex in some mens minds, or more like a bonus.
And I admit I don't need to cum to feel happy sleeping with someone. But still my sex drive is pretty much through the roof and if on the very "rare" occasions I have sex I lack satisfaction afterwards its like sitting a starving puppy in front of some puppy food and have it have a look at it and maybe sniff once or twice and then taking the bowl away from it.


Its just not fair, is it.


It sounds so easy but if I should ever find a man that lives up to my sex drives expectations I might be rather seducted to marry that one. Only if hes smart and wonderful as well of course. =D

Trust me, this won't be the only time that you'll read my outlook on sex and all having to do with it... I' like a bloody 13 year old - giggleling and being stupid about naughty topics and still blushing when someone says "Nice ass!!!" to me.

#4 dancing to myself

***

Last night after having cleaned my room out I still didn't feel like I was exhaused (astunnishing concidering the (a)mount of trash I brought downstairs to throw away!!!).

Pushed the "on"-button on "my" mp3-player. Live concert, cheering crowd, drums starting the whole thing off... I light candles and my hips start moving. In the beginning I don't even notice but then some deep warmth in my belly tells me to move my hands and arms, my feet start to feel light and I start dancing...

The shaddows on the wall show me my soft silhuette and I feel like I am playing a theatre play for myself, no speciffic topic, just that it's all about me and only me.

Maybe I can't name the exact poit when I "fell in love" with myself and it doesn't matter in the end, what it comes down to is nothing I'd be able to put in words...

#3 Words...

I have a passion for words and languages.
I started out quite alright in school, then came the big bang of my dad moving out and I forgot how to write, read, calculate- over night. I think this is when my impressively diastrous school career started off.
Mom and me moved out of our rural contry house (landlord being as kind to kick the freshly made single parent and her 7 year old daughter out) to Cologne, into one of the flats in my grandfathers lovely cityhouse. She practised pretty much every day with me so I could catch up on what I forgot of the first year of school, went to work and started studying to become a teacher.
For some reason and even though I hated the lessons with my mom, having to write texts she was dictating, I got into reading. Maybe my passion for being read out to as child and my books on tape got me into the whole thing. I loved and still love escaping into a world in between pages... besides from that it is what binds me and my best friend Elena together. Both obsessed with books.

Today I am blessed by the internet and mp3's that allow me to take books into my pocket where ever I go and disappear into another world by walking on the streets, shopping or while paining and drawing.
Some idiot once said that childrens books are silly and since then most parts of human kind that can read think they are for kids only.
I happily admit that I have a deep passion for Harry Potter books and I am convinced that people that read the same books like me in their childhood are most likely to understand and conncet with me.

Who hasn't read Pipi Longstockings, Momo and the Never Ending Story, Lotta, The Green Cloud should feel free to... it's about time!

Learning English opened my eyes for many new things but the most shocking thing possibly was that it opened my eyes for my mothertongue German. I came to think that those who never learn a foreign language miss out on something important. The conflict of having to try your very own and personal way of finding the words that suit you, to have to identify yourself with your own language first before you can do that, the insecurity and that you have to get over your fear of making mistakes and getting used to that until you don't make them anymore- all that had a deep impact on me. Reaching your point of utter confusion thinking in the one language, saying it in the other or mixing the languages up... it had me realise how much every one of us puts meaning into every word we say just by being able to express ourselves...

#2

Lately started talking a lot to my ex again. First big love. Not for him though.
Didn't imagine it to be as easy, after having my heart broken but it's lovely to have him wind me up and tease back, talk about important stuff and just chit chatting about...

Time to introduce important people in my life.

Mom: She's sorta old by now but still hot (says everyone else), teacher, slight anger management problem but still a lovely, loving person. Got my green eyes from her. My bad conscience speaks to me in her voice...

Claus: Mom's boyfriend, my ex science-teacher, very great guy that I live with right now. I don't really know him though. More on the interlectual side than on the creative or handy-crafty one, random singing and noise-making, best thing that ever happened to my mom, as far as i can see.

Dad: Kinda even older... 5o-something last time I checked, rather alternative life-style, talks and thinks (too) much, doesn't get a move on in the most inconvinient moments of life, very lovable thing (Got that from him as well but working on it myself). I guess I owe him my passion for human beings and minds.

Andrea: Calling here Mamadrea, my dads wife and plain gorgeous, very loving, warm and hectic person, clever, analytical and outspoken, tends to be too harsh on people, has been my second mom since I was 6.

Willem: My step-bother, Andreas son, who has been a part of my life since I was four or so, so damn funny and caring from what I remember, we don't have too much contact anymore though. He always smells really good! Still he is my brother and I'll be sure to take care of him when he needs me.

Elena: My best friend here in Germany and ANYWHERE in the world. Lives about 120 miles away from me, we went to school together. Goes to uni, is the kind of person that always has long term relationships and pisses me off with it, knows me better than anyone else and especially because of that tends to missjudge me...

-***-

Keith was the man I easily and happily would have stayed the rest of my life with. He lives near Milton Keynes/ England. and yeah... you better keep yor hands off him, otherwise I'll find a way to break them...
Dave was my first proper boyfriend and first big love- besides from very nice moments its been a horror trip and I only realised months later how horribly we treated eachother (more his fault in my eyes though ^^). He lives in London/England and works as geek.
MEN in my life in general seem to many to mention, I love them.

Most important person in my life is

ME
(since shortly)
I'm 20, have gone through enough shit in my life to be told that in my case "age is just a number" by old people and oh well... I am Trouble. No, actually, theres really people that call me by that name- It suits me. I got a big talent in life- I survive the shit I get myself into. I am damn proud of that...

#1

1.) I'm being stupid.
2.) Need stop shagging people that succeed escaping afterwards!
3.) Good morning world!

Since I lost my mp3 player the other week I stole mom's bf's one. Well stealing includes not asking for permission and I did that... should rather call it kidnapping as I didn't give it back. Yet. Discovered I can set the display to different colours and since them change the colour hourly ("orchid" at the moment, wondering if those people discovered that orchids have a wide vatiety of colours not just that nice purple-pink...).
Can't believe I am still hooked on John Mayer.
Daphi's fault. Um... who's Daphi? Daniel, swedish guy/musician with ice-cream truck (still trying to figure which of those makes him hot) I found on youtube. ("Daphi87" if anyone wanted to check on him)
Oh bless YouTube!!!
I gave my best to ignore "Your body is a wonderland" when it came out here in Germany, firstly because I had that judgemental idea of the song being cheesy and secondly because my english sucked back then so I didn't actually get into the idea of checking if I was right...

So now I downl... I organised myself all John Mayer music I could get hold of and am hooked since roughly about 2 or 3 months. Yeah yeah, politics, books and music--- big parts of my life.
And no, I am not trying to be boring, you are either blessed with that skill or you won't be able to truely bore people!


Feel like I'm in fucking England, all the rain in the middle of the summer makes me sick. Though England wasn't that rainy when I lived there, quite shocking! I don't feel like going outside, and if I do then only because I'm on some hormonal trip causing me to be in an incredibly good mood and then am the only person smiling foolishly walking through the inferno of water falling from the sky and messed up hair-do's.
Planning my holidays in Sweden and desperately hoping for bad weather while i stop by someones house (nope, not hot ice-cream-daphi), that might help to not leave the bed for a few hours, possibly days?!
But besides from that I am not sure what I'll do. Just gonna be interesting to see what lifes like over there, because all I know for now is that you spend a shitload of money on surviving... you pay for the air you're breathing, so they say...

For now this should be enough to start my new blog project...
I'm off back to music and trying to figure out how this works now...