And then Ben came over. Ben, my Ben. Like Mio my Mio, cockney version. He hates flying, yet he got on a plane on Friday and flew in to see me. I tried to fight him off emotionally, just have a giggle and some sex with him and then i brought him to the airport on Monday, kissed him good bye and went him. When I got home I charged my phone and listened to my voicemail: "ELLEN, there's been a MAJOR fuck up!!! I am flying tomorrow. I don't know how to get back! Call me as soon as you get this!!!!" I was laughing and laughing and laughing. Called him, Dani and Niko came over anyway and Dani and me picked Ben up. As soon as I saw him i knew I would have had the shittiest night in quite some time if he had really left that night. After smoking with us, Dani and Niko left and Ben and me talked. And talked, and talked and talked.
And made love. Slowly, intensely, closely. Awake until 5 in the morning, talking, crying, chatting, cuddling. I had to go to work the day after. Yesterday. And he was in the flat. What an odd feeling. Usually we don't see each other and there are miles and miles and miles between us, but yesterday we kept calling each other well knowing that we were just 5 minutes away from each other. He flew home. He called me. We talked. Very seriously. Very clearly. We decided to take 2 weeks time to sort our heads out. If we should still feel what we felt this weekend on the 10th of December we will be an item.
All I see in Ben right now is that he's changed. He takes responsibility. He keeps his word. He is serious. I am amazed at the fact he is scared shitless of flying yet he came over just to come and save me. While I was at work on Friday he called. Just to let me know that he had just bought sweets for me and flowers. I had forgot all about it when we got home but before the door he had hid the flowers in our flowerbed and gave them to me. SOOOOOoooooooooo sweet.
WTF. Haven't I just broken up with Dave? Am I not supposedly heartbroken. This morning in the bus to work I had that strange thought: Ellen, you get over relationships and break ups rather easily. Yes, I am heartbroken but I seem to be able to see the light and move on no matter what. No point in dwelling. maybe there is a huge force behind not wanting to feel that way for very long. Can't take it, stops me in my tracks. An object at rest takes so much more energy to get moving again. Below a picture of the proof that Ben knows me inside out. The sweets he got me were winegum stawberries, and he has betitled them: "Shut-up-sweets".
