#11 I don't trust myself with loving you

I don't trust myself with loving you by John Mayer

No i'm not the man i used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before i let you inside

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you


I will beg my way into your garden
And well I'll break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where i started
So i can want you back all over again
(I don't really understand)

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

Who do you love?
Girl I see through, through your love
Who do you love?
Who do you love me or the thought of me? me or the thought of me?

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you

#10 the goodness

I asked someone what he thinks of me. I met him online and we have been talkng for a few days over few weeks now.

I think...
that you are a very sensitive caring person who is finding her way to be strong yet still be sensitive and in the process of building your confidence so that you truly be yourself and not be concerned with those who disapprove of you because I think you are learning that thost that disapprove of you are really insecure and jealous of the goodness in you

Thank you Chris...
People are in your life for a reason, a season, or forever...

#9 a rainy day

At the moment it is alright to be on my own. I am me, with my music, I sing along quietly and I acutally feel whole. Still I want to share this feeling with people but not with somone speciffic.
When I stood on the balcony smoking a cigarette fine water particles sprayed over my bare shoulders, the rain was falling and the wind carried the mist on to my body. The green on the balcony is so refreshing to the eyes- I live in the middle of a metropole, only need to walk 5 minutes to be right in the center and still this my little oasis.
I see my life spread out in front of me, in a few weeks I'll have my very own flat again...
"Stop this train... I wanna get off and go home again, I can't take the speed it's moving in, I know I can't, but honestly, won't someone stop this train..."...
It took me 20 years of living to realise that I am not lonely. I am alone.
Where ever I go I will meet people that will walk a bit of the way with me and even just thinking of them will give me some strengh to walk by myself.
I think I just stopped looking for the other human being that completes me. I am whole. I am looking for someone who is too and who I can proudly walk next to...

"Don't stop this train, not for a minute change the place you're in, And don't think I couldn't ever understand, I tried my hand, honestly we'll never stop this train"

#8 the dress

I went into town yesterday to buy something suitable for the upcomming wedding...
Having chosen about seven dresses I went to the changing room and tried the first one on. Tadaaaaaa! I didn't even try the others, it was like tailormade for me and when I stepped outside to look at myself in the mirror in the "hallway" I noticed all of the "husbands-waiting-for-their-wifes-to-finally-decide-what-they-want-being-bored"-heads turning torwards me. Yep, this is the dress. I didn't even try the other ones.
When I got home I turned the PC on and showed my favourite people my dress on the cam... how nice it is to get positive feed back. The thing that really convinced me of keeping this dress was Keith giving me a compliment. If you want to know what that feels like... being impressed with being able to see the Halley's comet, because it only happens once or twice in a lifetime(every 76 years...!).

I feel better about the wedding now. At least I won't look out of order, even though I might feel like it. I'll make sure to get a photo ... (see up ^^)