Nice an easy?!

Pissed off. With Dani. For being so selfish. With TJ for not taking care of himself. For lots of other people constantly hanging about to grab good advise from me without acting on it.

I tend to hint too much. I should give one piece of advise and when the next occasion comes up make clear I am not the fucking mom, ppl are old enough to pick up on the obvious themselves and leave it at that. I am too nice in a very "please don't hate me" way. GO on, hate me, don't care. If that helps you all get your fucking lives sorted, great. If not, it's a waste of time and your loss not mine.

So here goes, for everyone who needs obvious advise:

Coming to work unshowered and grimey: not a good look, anti-social and unattractive.
Being ill for the 5th time in a month: not a good idea.
Being unhappy in a situation and not trying to get out of it: dumb. you probably deserve the mess you're in for not helping yourself!
Not doing things and just making promises: unfair and bottomlinely ridiculous.
Complaining but not turning anger into motion: helpess!
Taking but not giving: selfish.
Not cleaning up after oneself (and possibly partner, too): Double (triple) selfish.
Delaying things until ater all the time: immature and unaware of consequences.
Avoiding confrontation: childish!!!

GROW THE FUCK UP!


Glad I had somewhere to vent, because for all the people actually close to me this is mainly too close to home.

Scala

Some music instantly and every time makes the hairs o the back of my neck rise in admiration. I saw a BBC program which featured a choir singing enjoy the silence. Looked it up on google and found this amazing girls choir from Belgium, Scala. I think pretty much every single song they have covered sounds better than the original, has more heart and brilliance to it. I'm not only well impressed but also thankful in a way. There's a song called "Someone new" that seems like my heart wrote it for Dave post break up. Here goes:

So is it goodbye? Is it time to set you free?

Is it time to let it fly? Is it time to let it bleed?

We used to take turns To cover up the pain

Deep below it burns And the feelin' still remains

Chorus: you're gonna find someone new I really hope you do

'Cause I love you

And the sun will come on thru, It's gonna shine for you

'Cause I adore you

Yes, we gave it a try But maybe for too long

Out of every sorrow Another day will dawn

Chorus: And the road travels on But I'm still near you

In my life, like a song I will still hear you Still ...

You're gonna find someone new I really hope you do

'Cause I love you Chorus

The sun will shine for you The sun will shine for you

'Cause I adore you...

I'm in a great mood today. I feel like I just have to get through work and hours and hours of weekend is going to soothe my boredom! Apart from that my muse has snuck up on me and is leaning over my shoulder constantly in the last few days. I got many ideas I want to turn into facts and many many ideas to handy craft. And I am particularly drawn to easthetical objects and things.

GORGEOUS! (if you take the ho out of it!)

Yes, yes, yes, I am NOT really at all thinking about marriage at all, right, but doesn't a colourful dress just make the whole occasion that little bit more joyful? Yeeeesss, it doeeeees!

In a way this is an odd time. Spring is bringing change to everything and in particular everyone. Many are leaving. Niko, Danis ex flatmate, is going to Portugal. Jorge the portugese beach comber and heart crazyman is leaving too. Dani had a mental breakdown yesterday and has now taken a week off work to reconsider circumstances.

Just coming back in for work after smoking a cigarette I felt how it played the strings of my heart. In a way we might not all be close but in the essence of it all is that the Blue Building of IBM in Greenock has grown to become a whole union of extraordinary people, all bearing one common step in their lives: Leaving home and maybe even home country behind to start a new life.

In a way everyone here is connected. Friends, ex-partner, flatmates, working colleagues, project partners, the other one on the bus every morning... Up until now none of the those who left, left me with an empty space in my heart and it will be a whole new experience to not be the one leaving lightheartedly myself but being left behind by people who have become dear to me. I don't really feel regret. I don't even feel I want to get out of Scotland, or Greenock or IBM, yet. I am happy with what I have, happy with what I do and happy with the wonderful man I have in my life now. I lead MY life now.

But maybe I'll light a couple of candles fr those who are leaving this week, sailing on to new habours of life and maybe I'll think of them and wrap them in kind, warm thoughts and love and smiles to nurture them on their way. I feel that is what guardian angels live on, other peoples good thoughts for you.

Since it's almost been a month...

Apparently I turn into an immensely boring person with nothing to talk about at all when I am in a relationship. If this trend progresses I am afraid I will have to burry all my hopes of becoming a brilliant author with a quietly tucked away coutry life. Or a lasting relationship. God, thats grim news.
In fact, very grim news for the counrty life author dream, here, because TJ, my wonderfool TJ, is still around and as far as I can see, we are still happy, still planning for the future.
Mom called last Friday, dropping a big Bang! right on my head. She wants to pay for TJ's third teeth. Basiclaly spent the whole day crying and being all around emotional all over. I was proud of her, happy for him, and moved from within that wee wonders still happen.

Dani has gotten together with Eric, the dutch guy. They make a perfect couple, one regularly depressed, the other one slightly wrong in the head. And actually, both goes for both. I don't know if I am pleased or not. I was relying on the fact she said she wanted to move to Spain. Now both of them said they were going to the Netherlands together, which might just be a holiday (worst case). On the other hand Dani and Eric might understand that TJ and me are planning to spend as much time as possible together with both having some individual room - living together sounds really good. And feels right. I think even he agrees.

I dreamed about our house by the sea last night... ♥