Friday, 30 November 2007
Thursday, 29 November 2007
Saturday, 24 November 2007
Sunday, 21 October 2007
New Post, New Day...
Woke up at 10 after having been up till 7 in the morning...
Felt shit. Should try to masturbate more when I feel like this, something nice GOT to happen.
...because there is nothing that can dim my little light, and whatever or whoever tries to do it... basically just needs to remember that his own light should be shining as bright again, too...
Off to start a fire...
Love,
Ellen
Felt shit. Should try to masturbate more when I feel like this, something nice GOT to happen.
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.
Shine all over you,
I'm gonna let it shine
Shine all over you my love,
I'm gonna let it shine
Shine all over you,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.
...because there is nothing that can dim my little light, and whatever or whoever tries to do it... basically just needs to remember that his own light should be shining as bright again, too...
Off to start a fire...
Love,
Ellen
Saturday, 20 October 2007
Voce e assim um sonho pra mim... E quando eu nao te vejo... eu penso em voce...
A lot of time has passed since I posted here.
Since I started school I got more and more sick of it. Being top of class doesn't instantly mean you do best. And not that you enjoy going to school. To be quite hoenst its a torture going at all.
After having been pissed off for what seemed endless weeks I decided to stop whining and do something about it. I decided to go to the UK to study. And right now I'm organising it all.
The bigger news is that I've fallen in love. And that I am not even close to doubting that this will change my life. Not that I am in need of more change because my life is bad or something... I just know that this is right. This is supposed to happen. And all is good.
His name is Dave, (NO, not DICKHEAD DAVE, my ex... ) he is from Glasgow, Scotland and to not make him sound too nice for you ladies out there, pretty damn fantastic.
32 , 2 kids who are 14(girl) and 10,(boy) ...
...basically all I can say is that we fell head over heels... and if you, my dear friends, are honest with yourself that is the only way you can imagine me falling in love, right?
I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. And i can't remember posting anything on here that I've been as dead serious with...
And now I am dead inside. Because I am worth nothing and as many have said before unlovable.
I learned my lesson.
Sunday, 9 September 2007
#30 worried
my internet is off doe to a fucking bad service at my new internet & phone company and my best friend is in mental trouble. deep shit.
i am worried whats gonna happen.
chris got in touch but we never managed to get together. he stopped working as attonery and won't be over to europe any more... fair enough, it had me realise that hes not even getting close enough to me for me to care.
My "boyfriend" bart isnt able to keep up any contact and currently in treatment in california to get his leg fixed. I am not even really pissed off with him. he will be the lonely one not me- ppl are actually able to keep up with me.
My dad promised to come over when i had moved in, 2 weeks after school started. now its the third week after the school start and he says its gonna be the end of the month , which is another further 3 weeks. What ever good reasons for this delaying he might have, its the story of our relationship really to have this sort of ... not being able to depend. sometimes more sometimes less. But since i came back from england he didnt think it was neccessary for him to come and visit me here in frankfurt. Cheers dad.
school sucks. I am really glad i found friends though. and I am pleased to know i am one of the best in the class eventhough that doesnt really mean anything as 90% of the chicks there are plain daft.
I hope to be able to start blogging again. this was suposed to be a continous thing and i just dropped at some point when my life got all exciting with school and moving out and stuff...
only for you guys to know... I am fine, I love my flat, I hope I'll survive school!!!
Mom and me are getting along rather well. I help her with a lot of stuff nd she screams and moans at me a lot- still i enjoy being around her lately. especially as its only sunday , our "visiting day".
Not much else up. In 2 weeks i should have internet @home again... i hope.
SEE YA!!!
i am worried whats gonna happen.
chris got in touch but we never managed to get together. he stopped working as attonery and won't be over to europe any more... fair enough, it had me realise that hes not even getting close enough to me for me to care.
My "boyfriend" bart isnt able to keep up any contact and currently in treatment in california to get his leg fixed. I am not even really pissed off with him. he will be the lonely one not me- ppl are actually able to keep up with me.
My dad promised to come over when i had moved in, 2 weeks after school started. now its the third week after the school start and he says its gonna be the end of the month , which is another further 3 weeks. What ever good reasons for this delaying he might have, its the story of our relationship really to have this sort of ... not being able to depend. sometimes more sometimes less. But since i came back from england he didnt think it was neccessary for him to come and visit me here in frankfurt. Cheers dad.
school sucks. I am really glad i found friends though. and I am pleased to know i am one of the best in the class eventhough that doesnt really mean anything as 90% of the chicks there are plain daft.
I hope to be able to start blogging again. this was suposed to be a continous thing and i just dropped at some point when my life got all exciting with school and moving out and stuff...
only for you guys to know... I am fine, I love my flat, I hope I'll survive school!!!
Mom and me are getting along rather well. I help her with a lot of stuff nd she screams and moans at me a lot- still i enjoy being around her lately. especially as its only sunday , our "visiting day".
Not much else up. In 2 weeks i should have internet @home again... i hope.
SEE YA!!!
Friday, 10 August 2007
Saturday, 4 August 2007
#28 News news news--- and same old same old
Yeah, well, Mom disapeared to north Germany to find out more about geographical aspects of the wide and cruel coastline ... tats why I haven't been online.
Chris is still missing, still no word from him. Bloody men always have to be so stubborn??? Only makes me sad. Its silly as well. Like I can't make mistakes because i won't be able to put it right.
I am dating a american race car driver & engeneer. Well, possibly dating is said too much- I haven't seen him i ages. Hes real nice and sweet and he ikes me which is always a plus. Name is Bart. He's great and everyone who says he's not will get his or her arse kicked.
As well I went to the hairdresser and look like a fucking ferret now. I got rather short (as in shoulder-long) hair and bits of hair in and on my forehead. yah. I cried when I got home. As well its really dark now, though I looooove the color!!! Um yeah. Solving my everlasting bad hair day involves a hairband or two and load of hairspray to stop the hair from falling into my eyes making me look like a fucking idiot. I can live with that though. Hair grows. Chris's don't. Thats a problem that needs to be solved.
So Chris: If, at all you are reading this by any chance... come on, do something, I thought long and hard and came up with about a million ways to appologise propperly. Preferably with cooking you a nice dinner, give you the promised backrub and some ot chocolate... just SOMETHING. After that you can disappear or whatever... I'd just like to get it out of the way. And yes I am trying to get rid of my bad concious and YES i want to be friends again and YES HELL YES that is how I am and I'd just be nice to have you back. And get to know you.
Chris is still missing, still no word from him. Bloody men always have to be so stubborn??? Only makes me sad. Its silly as well. Like I can't make mistakes because i won't be able to put it right.
I am dating a american race car driver & engeneer. Well, possibly dating is said too much- I haven't seen him i ages. Hes real nice and sweet and he ikes me which is always a plus. Name is Bart. He's great and everyone who says he's not will get his or her arse kicked.
As well I went to the hairdresser and look like a fucking ferret now. I got rather short (as in shoulder-long) hair and bits of hair in and on my forehead. yah. I cried when I got home. As well its really dark now, though I looooove the color!!! Um yeah. Solving my everlasting bad hair day involves a hairband or two and load of hairspray to stop the hair from falling into my eyes making me look like a fucking idiot. I can live with that though. Hair grows. Chris's don't. Thats a problem that needs to be solved.
So Chris: If, at all you are reading this by any chance... come on, do something, I thought long and hard and came up with about a million ways to appologise propperly. Preferably with cooking you a nice dinner, give you the promised backrub and some ot chocolate... just SOMETHING. After that you can disappear or whatever... I'd just like to get it out of the way. And yes I am trying to get rid of my bad concious and YES i want to be friends again and YES HELL YES that is how I am and I'd just be nice to have you back. And get to know you.
Monday, 23 July 2007
#27 Big changes, small changes, changes, changes
Elena shaved her hair off, I had a fall out with Chris and I acutally still have my massage therapy going.
Got the massages against my tense shoulder, its hightly interesting. Thw massage therapist is a real sweet and funny woman, very warm, pretty and young. We get along quite well.
Chris is pissed off because he told me something personal and I said it was boring. Yep, my stupid mouth again, it wasn't actually that boring, no fucking clue why I said that. Its really sad, i like him and he doesn't even reply to my mails. The weird thing is that I think afte appologising and being sorry there is no point in being pissed off with me for much longer, instread, shouldn't he talk to me and put me straight instead of being an ice cube? I miss him a lot. Feels shit like it is right now.
So proud of Elena, since she shaved her hair off... I am well impressed th her braveness and she looks great.
I'm a bit down because I don't like to fight and I want Chris to talk to me again though I know I am gonna have to be patient. And maybe een that won't be worth the time, depending how big his pride is.
Sorry for not writing for so long- I am buzy lately and I didn't fell like writing sometimes. Later xxx
Got the massages against my tense shoulder, its hightly interesting. Thw massage therapist is a real sweet and funny woman, very warm, pretty and young. We get along quite well.
Chris is pissed off because he told me something personal and I said it was boring. Yep, my stupid mouth again, it wasn't actually that boring, no fucking clue why I said that. Its really sad, i like him and he doesn't even reply to my mails. The weird thing is that I think afte appologising and being sorry there is no point in being pissed off with me for much longer, instread, shouldn't he talk to me and put me straight instead of being an ice cube? I miss him a lot. Feels shit like it is right now.
So proud of Elena, since she shaved her hair off... I am well impressed th her braveness and she looks great.
I'm a bit down because I don't like to fight and I want Chris to talk to me again though I know I am gonna have to be patient. And maybe een that won't be worth the time, depending how big his pride is.
Sorry for not writing for so long- I am buzy lately and I didn't fell like writing sometimes. Later xxx
Sunday, 15 July 2007
#25 best fucking news of the day
John mayer and Jessica Simpson split up.
The first time ever celeb gossip gets me hahahahaha
The first time ever celeb gossip gets me hahahahaha
Thursday, 12 July 2007
#24 What animal were you in past life?
| You Were An Owl |
 You are stealthy and secretive - no one knows the true you. You are a seeker of freedom, and you are comfortable with your dark side. |
#23 Car trouble
Now, not that this would concern ME, but...
Moms old Honda Civic broke down about 2 weeks ago. Thats fair enough and okay as she wn't need it anymore (at least not as bad) as shes been transferred to a school in Frankfurt and not a town about 45 minutes away from here where she's been working the passed few years.
Now, the car broke down and well--- fixing costs wouldnt have made up the damaged caused to your eyes only looking at it for longer than 20 seconds so we had it crashed.
Mom borrowed our neighbours/friends car, dropped the remote-unlocking key. A chip fell out. The car wouldn't start. RRRRRRrright. She's gonna have to pay for the 80 € replacement as we can't find the chip thingy.
Now mom and Claus borrowed Claus best friends/colleagues secondary car. They were to take off to holiday tomorrow, friday. Yeah, no. When they got up this morning someone had the window on the passengers seat side smashed in. Nothing was stolen as far as we could tell. Still, about 400-500 € damage. Screw this!!!
Maybe some minor god is trying to tell mom to eiher buy a propper car herslf OR leave her hands off cars in general. hmmmmm...
Moms old Honda Civic broke down about 2 weeks ago. Thats fair enough and okay as she wn't need it anymore (at least not as bad) as shes been transferred to a school in Frankfurt and not a town about 45 minutes away from here where she's been working the passed few years.
Now, the car broke down and well--- fixing costs wouldnt have made up the damaged caused to your eyes only looking at it for longer than 20 seconds so we had it crashed.
Mom borrowed our neighbours/friends car, dropped the remote-unlocking key. A chip fell out. The car wouldn't start. RRRRRRrright. She's gonna have to pay for the 80 € replacement as we can't find the chip thingy.
Now mom and Claus borrowed Claus best friends/colleagues secondary car. They were to take off to holiday tomorrow, friday. Yeah, no. When they got up this morning someone had the window on the passengers seat side smashed in. Nothing was stolen as far as we could tell. Still, about 400-500 € damage. Screw this!!!
Maybe some minor god is trying to tell mom to eiher buy a propper car herslf OR leave her hands off cars in general. hmmmmm...
Wednesday, 11 July 2007
#22 New friends, old friends, reasons, seasons and forever?
God day everyone.
Firstly: Its scary how many people are actually interested in my blog... every time I come online I see how many ppl logged onto my page and it varies in between 20 and 40 daily ... pretty scary, pretty great. Thanks peeps!
So now...
There's been a few changes in my life. While over the passed week my back's been propperly fucked up and I hardly could move (I went to the doctor who prescribed me fango-warming-pacs, 10 times, massages, 10 times, and physical edcucational therapy,10 times- I'm gonna be a fucking beauty as soon as I am done with that crap!!!) people decided to actually come to me and do me all the favours I asked them to do me about 4 months ago.
The nanny agency I am registered with called and told me some families that were interested in my service- english baby sitting, 10 Euo an hour.
The English Theatre called as well and asked me if I still wanted to work for them. Hell yes I do! So next week I am gonna do 3 days of test-working there (and yes, they bloody well will keep me there!I'm great!).
Besides from that Daphi, me and Daphi's roomie, Michael are gonna meet up in London and go see that John Mayer concert in September. They come flying from Sweden, I'll be coming from Germany... need to check out whos way is further away, but my random guess is the swedish guys lol ( I just checked and they actually have about twice my distance from London lol ... right, THEY won!)
SOooooo fucking looking forward to that.
Now dads gonna pay 220 euro for my flat. Moms gonna pay 380 so I am gonna have 600 to deal with. Getting my own flat. Yay. Again. Yay. Signing the contract today.
And then we looked into our regional discounters leaflet. School stuff. So while Mom and Claus are out to some hardly pronouncable country to ... climb mountains or so... I'll be happy to go to ALDI and buy our school crap. College Blocks, pens, sticky notes, paper and so on...
Chris wrote me today saying he's alright and that he's just verrrrry buzy. Hoping for him to fucking come to Frankfurt soon. Can't wait to do something with him and if it's only playing pool and having a glass beer!
What else? Yeah, my parents are gone from friday on (holiday, remeber?) and on Saturday Josh is gonna be here. Glad my parents will be gone- Josh sort of forces me to scream and squeal and not be able to keep my mouth shut.
So yeah. All good in my hood.
Firstly: Its scary how many people are actually interested in my blog... every time I come online I see how many ppl logged onto my page and it varies in between 20 and 40 daily ... pretty scary, pretty great. Thanks peeps!
So now...
There's been a few changes in my life. While over the passed week my back's been propperly fucked up and I hardly could move (I went to the doctor who prescribed me fango-warming-pacs, 10 times, massages, 10 times, and physical edcucational therapy,10 times- I'm gonna be a fucking beauty as soon as I am done with that crap!!!) people decided to actually come to me and do me all the favours I asked them to do me about 4 months ago.
The nanny agency I am registered with called and told me some families that were interested in my service- english baby sitting, 10 Euo an hour.
The English Theatre called as well and asked me if I still wanted to work for them. Hell yes I do! So next week I am gonna do 3 days of test-working there (and yes, they bloody well will keep me there!I'm great!).
Besides from that Daphi, me and Daphi's roomie, Michael are gonna meet up in London and go see that John Mayer concert in September. They come flying from Sweden, I'll be coming from Germany... need to check out whos way is further away, but my random guess is the swedish guys lol ( I just checked and they actually have about twice my distance from London lol ... right, THEY won!)
SOooooo fucking looking forward to that.
Now dads gonna pay 220 euro for my flat. Moms gonna pay 380 so I am gonna have 600 to deal with. Getting my own flat. Yay. Again. Yay. Signing the contract today.
And then we looked into our regional discounters leaflet. School stuff. So while Mom and Claus are out to some hardly pronouncable country to ... climb mountains or so... I'll be happy to go to ALDI and buy our school crap. College Blocks, pens, sticky notes, paper and so on...
Chris wrote me today saying he's alright and that he's just verrrrry buzy. Hoping for him to fucking come to Frankfurt soon. Can't wait to do something with him and if it's only playing pool and having a glass beer!
What else? Yeah, my parents are gone from friday on (holiday, remeber?) and on Saturday Josh is gonna be here. Glad my parents will be gone- Josh sort of forces me to scream and squeal and not be able to keep my mouth shut.
So yeah. All good in my hood.
Tuesday, 10 July 2007
#21 Mom, Claus and me: night-talks
I am demanded to come over to the kitchen to chat. Chat as in... have fun talking about anything and everything (which usually ends up in rather emotional corners of moms brain, which she tries to project as very rational facts into other peoples brains).
So tonight I finally got the chance to talk about the wedding and Victor coming here to see me after the wedding...
Then we got into talking how my parents split up, my grandma ("Nonna" ital. for "granny") and all that sort of stuff.
Right, my parents got to know each other at a theatre play of the "Nibelung Saga", good old German fairytale- mom was the male main character "Siegfried". Lucky then: Mom got preggers and they decided to keep me. As in "not abort me". Mom says, they didn't even discuss that.
Right, so eventually they moved into tha commune house-thing where I grew up.
When I was 5 the relationship was going downhill and they had the brilliant idea of getting married. I remotely remember that.
Mom happened to go have photos done that came back and showed my dad having sex with another girl mom knew. What a nice way of finding out.
She went to holland with her best friend and when she called home, me a tiny 6 year old told her about dad and me having a visitor and now nice it was. She knew it was that lady. It didn't last, after that relationship ithink he met Andrea, his wife now. Andreas husband and mom were even betting how long it'd go (not actually giving it a lot of time) ..."well, I think that was a bit of mis-calculation" mom says and giggles.
...
Over the last few years these talks to mom had me understand what happened in her life all the more. Every time she opens up a bit more.
It's good.
And at some point the fascination about my dad, my obsession of putting him on a higher level at my mom - it had to pass.
Full stop.
Now this is how you start your life into "grown-up"-business... Welcome world: This is me
So tonight I finally got the chance to talk about the wedding and Victor coming here to see me after the wedding...
Then we got into talking how my parents split up, my grandma ("Nonna" ital. for "granny") and all that sort of stuff.
Right, my parents got to know each other at a theatre play of the "Nibelung Saga", good old German fairytale- mom was the male main character "Siegfried". Lucky then: Mom got preggers and they decided to keep me. As in "not abort me". Mom says, they didn't even discuss that.
Right, so eventually they moved into tha commune house-thing where I grew up.
When I was 5 the relationship was going downhill and they had the brilliant idea of getting married. I remotely remember that.
Mom happened to go have photos done that came back and showed my dad having sex with another girl mom knew. What a nice way of finding out.
She went to holland with her best friend and when she called home, me a tiny 6 year old told her about dad and me having a visitor and now nice it was. She knew it was that lady. It didn't last, after that relationship ithink he met Andrea, his wife now. Andreas husband and mom were even betting how long it'd go (not actually giving it a lot of time) ..."well, I think that was a bit of mis-calculation" mom says and giggles.
...
Over the last few years these talks to mom had me understand what happened in her life all the more. Every time she opens up a bit more.
It's good.
And at some point the fascination about my dad, my obsession of putting him on a higher level at my mom - it had to pass.
Full stop.
Now this is how you start your life into "grown-up"-business... Welcome world: This is me
Monday, 9 July 2007
#20 The girl/boy-thing
Now this is stupid. Today I managed to insult my dear and beloved ex Keith by using the english language as tool to make a complete twat of myself (I honestly said EXACTLY the opposite of what I meant to say!!! How very well done!) and I possibly annoyed hot Josh by calling him. Good me though, when he said he'd call back and didn't I didn't bother either. He wants his freedom and I for once want to know what it's like to be cool.
See, the girl/boy thing is working only too well for me!!! I am a girl. Clearly. I make pointless phone calls, I buy lipgloss (and I even buy it by taste, not necessarily by colour!) and yes, fuck yes, I do bloody well menstruate! I do.
So when he asks me:"Are you klingy?" and I say: "No, me being klingy wouldn't make you want to see or talk to me any more often, would it?" then THAT is clearly the right and logical (though faaaaaaar from an honest) answer.
As I said. I am trying to find out how to be cool.
See, the girl/boy thing is working only too well for me!!! I am a girl. Clearly. I make pointless phone calls, I buy lipgloss (and I even buy it by taste, not necessarily by colour!) and yes, fuck yes, I do bloody well menstruate! I do.
So when he asks me:"Are you klingy?" and I say: "No, me being klingy wouldn't make you want to see or talk to me any more often, would it?" then THAT is clearly the right and logical (though faaaaaaar from an honest) answer.
As I said. I am trying to find out how to be cool.
(Chris is gonna laugh about me when he hears all this. Where's Chris anyway? Bloody solicitors!)
Sunday, 8 July 2007
#19 Number 96
Yeah now this date...
Was friggin awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And he's damn hot. Meeeeow! Didn't even have to hold myself back from cuddleing-needs, he just curled up behind me and wrapped his arms around me...
Goddamn he is HOT!
See, when someone asks me what I am looking for in a man its like... blah, humour, brains, good heart and so on- now with him thats a given anyway. Being the whole package he is he knows how to be mean in a good way, how to make me squeal, he is honest in an almost blunt way and slightly mad (nothing bad up to this point!). He's a DAMN FUCKING GRAND lay!!!!
Yeah I'll try not to fall for him unless he does. And I'll have a looooooooot of fun in bed until then. (This is the proof: I am his number 96 in bed, and YES, practise makes a master!)
MEOWWWW!
His name is Joshua by the way...
Was friggin awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And he's damn hot. Meeeeow! Didn't even have to hold myself back from cuddleing-needs, he just curled up behind me and wrapped his arms around me...
Goddamn he is HOT!
See, when someone asks me what I am looking for in a man its like... blah, humour, brains, good heart and so on- now with him thats a given anyway. Being the whole package he is he knows how to be mean in a good way, how to make me squeal, he is honest in an almost blunt way and slightly mad (nothing bad up to this point!). He's a DAMN FUCKING GRAND lay!!!!
Yeah I'll try not to fall for him unless he does. And I'll have a looooooooot of fun in bed until then. (This is the proof: I am his number 96 in bed, and YES, practise makes a master!)
MEOWWWW!
His name is Joshua by the way...
Saturday, 7 July 2007
#18 Plans for the weekend?
Yeah, actually I do have my weekend planned!
Mom and Claus are on their way to see Claus' mom, Marianne, who just had a new hip put into her body (christ, I never thought abou HOW they do that but my plan how I'd do that requires a clinically dead human!). They plan on staying away over night, though that isn't sure...
So tonigh Joshua is coming over (did I mention I have a thing for red heads? And gingers?). We'll see how it goes.
Tomorrow I'll help granny out in the garden ("Ahhhh finally getting some money in again!!" was my first thought, my second one was: "Damn, my shoulder is fucked up anyway. I hope they won't make me use the bloody claw!!!").
My personal preferences for this (and any other weekend):Friday, 6 July 2007
#17 Stephen Henderson
I've just been to the football field here in Frankfurt. My new flats gonna be 10 minutes away from it.
This week Stephen (you actually pronounce it Steffen, not Steven) asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema with him. Stephen is american, short, handsome, lovely complexion and very easy to make happy and smile- my ex boyfriend (we've been together for about 3 weeks- I am a master with long-term relationships, I can tell!) and we still get along brilliantly.
He's always been playing football. He looks damn cute with those protecting thingies on.
The thing I wanted to talk about though is that it is nice how we get along now. He did something wrong, he said he never had time for me but I always knew that he was only hoping he was in love with me and his priorities were all mixed up because he actually WASN'T in love.
Stephen is a VERY decent guy. Emotional. A bit messed up. A bit indecicive and unconcidered in what he does and why he does it. Still I think I made a catch in him and I had a good time with him.
Today at some point he was sitting far off, overlooking the football field. I walked up and sat behind him, wrapped my arms around his shouldes and we had a talk. He said how weird it was to be leaving on monday.
Pretty much all army bases are closing in Germany, I think about 5 will stay opened (one of them being the biggest base out of North America with the biggest army hospital out of the USA as well), anyway, the other ones are pretty much closing down.
--- That means that 98% of the here stationed soldiers go home to the US. It means as well that 90% of the german army sluts are unemployed and the other 10% aregetting married to some dickhead to get into the States. ---
Stephen, now, is leaving on monday. He is going back to Texas. And not coming back. Eventhough he says he'd like to have stayed a bit longer.
Babe, I wish you all good in this world. You are right, you need "alone-time". You need to feel deserted and I know it's gonna be horrible. I'm gonna be here to support you though. ANd yes, I will come and see you if I should ever pass through L.A.--- and yes, I'll be happy to come to your "hood" (hahahahaa can't believe I actually wrote that word down!!!)
Thanks for what you've given me Stephen.
I Hope, so much, that you'll be happier with yourself the next time I see you.
(...and when I see you I'll give you those back, but up until then Ill keep them as, in case of the t-shirt, smelly reminder of you. I'll not forget you, babe!)
This week Stephen (you actually pronounce it Steffen, not Steven) asked me if I wanted to go to the cinema with him. Stephen is american, short, handsome, lovely complexion and very easy to make happy and smile- my ex boyfriend (we've been together for about 3 weeks- I am a master with long-term relationships, I can tell!) and we still get along brilliantly.
He's always been playing football. He looks damn cute with those protecting thingies on.
The thing I wanted to talk about though is that it is nice how we get along now. He did something wrong, he said he never had time for me but I always knew that he was only hoping he was in love with me and his priorities were all mixed up because he actually WASN'T in love.
Stephen is a VERY decent guy. Emotional. A bit messed up. A bit indecicive and unconcidered in what he does and why he does it. Still I think I made a catch in him and I had a good time with him.
Today at some point he was sitting far off, overlooking the football field. I walked up and sat behind him, wrapped my arms around his shouldes and we had a talk. He said how weird it was to be leaving on monday.
Pretty much all army bases are closing in Germany, I think about 5 will stay opened (one of them being the biggest base out of North America with the biggest army hospital out of the USA as well), anyway, the other ones are pretty much closing down.
--- That means that 98% of the here stationed soldiers go home to the US. It means as well that 90% of the german army sluts are unemployed and the other 10% aregetting married to some dickhead to get into the States. ---
Stephen, now, is leaving on monday. He is going back to Texas. And not coming back. Eventhough he says he'd like to have stayed a bit longer.
Babe, I wish you all good in this world. You are right, you need "alone-time". You need to feel deserted and I know it's gonna be horrible. I'm gonna be here to support you though. ANd yes, I will come and see you if I should ever pass through L.A.--- and yes, I'll be happy to come to your "hood" (hahahahaa can't believe I actually wrote that word down!!!)
Thanks for what you've given me Stephen.
I Hope, so much, that you'll be happier with yourself the next time I see you.
(...and when I see you I'll give you those back, but up until then Ill keep them as, in case of the t-shirt, smelly reminder of you. I'll not forget you, babe!)
#16 creativity in my family...
Now I have a rather creative family.
Mom is art teacher, dad's a sculpturer, paints, draws and writes, Andrea, his wife is dance therapist and really good with decoration and colour, Willem, my brother is a rapper and writes his own lyrics, Benny, my step brother, is a joiner (germ.: "Schreiner") and did real nice master piece,his younger brother Matze is a chef... and so on...
All the drawings on here are done by MEEEEE!!! Feel free to click on all the posted pictures and photos to enlarge...
(Mom did this one... Picture of Claus, shaving ^^, my mom's artistic identification symbol is a smiling lozenge, the german word is "Karo" and her name is Caro(line)! So cute!)
Mom is art teacher, dad's a sculpturer, paints, draws and writes, Andrea, his wife is dance therapist and really good with decoration and colour, Willem, my brother is a rapper and writes his own lyrics, Benny, my step brother, is a joiner (germ.: "Schreiner") and did real nice master piece,his younger brother Matze is a chef... and so on...
All the drawings on here are done by MEEEEE!!! Feel free to click on all the posted pictures and photos to enlarge...
(Mom did this one... Picture of Claus, shaving ^^, my mom's artistic identification symbol is a smiling lozenge, the german word is "Karo" and her name is Caro(line)! So cute!)
#15 John Mayer and me...
Since that Daphi-guy got me hooked on John Mayer I am obsessed (yeah, I mentioned before). For now I pretty much can sing along every single song of the 4 albums I have... and every day I read another song text online and pend some time thinking about it.
Today I went on his website http://www.johnmayer.com/ and the first thing that jumps in my face is a announcement- John Mayer is playing at the Royal Albert all in London. First thought was: I HAVE to go. I will go. No way I can miss that. Second thought consisted of tattery mental drooling and the sudden memoy of not being able to afford it.
Yeah, FUCK that. If I have to I'll just not make holiday and not get as christmas and/or birthday present- I can't miss this. I am not crazy, I am just someone who's life consists of 90% music! The other 10% are sleeping (9,7%) and smoking (0,3%).
Bless John Mayer. He is a fantastic song writer and musician!!!
Today I went on his website http://www.johnmayer.com/ and the first thing that jumps in my face is a announcement- John Mayer is playing at the Royal Albert all in London. First thought was: I HAVE to go. I will go. No way I can miss that. Second thought consisted of tattery mental drooling and the sudden memoy of not being able to afford it.
Yeah, FUCK that. If I have to I'll just not make holiday and not get as christmas and/or birthday present- I can't miss this. I am not crazy, I am just someone who's life consists of 90% music! The other 10% are sleeping (9,7%) and smoking (0,3%).
Bless John Mayer. He is a fantastic song writer and musician!!!
(I tried to find a good picture of him and it took a while... oh well, he doesn't need be drop dead gorgeous- he's awesome anyway, and full packages are plain scary!!!)
#14 mom and me
Mom and me have been fighting for years. I am puzzled how life goes for us right now.
Today woke up dreaming of my mom being pissed off with me and wanting me to move out asap because I did something she didn't like... and then I woke up and thought: "Oh, now nice, no tantrum!!!"
By now we don't argue anymore. We discuss and work things out. Without an educational background, we just get along anyway and need to sort some things out... it actually feels like we are friends now.
Last night mom came home from her last night on her old school, saying good bye to her pupils, she had all dressed up and asked me for make up tipps. She came home about 1:30 in the morning and I was smoking a fag on the balcony. She came outside to join me and started telling me how her evening was. Not that I asked for it- she just came up and told me how it was, just sharing her experiance. Very nice. I guess I can learn that of her, just opening up and letting someone into my world spontaneously!
Yep, fair enough, friends it is, then...
Today woke up dreaming of my mom being pissed off with me and wanting me to move out asap because I did something she didn't like... and then I woke up and thought: "Oh, now nice, no tantrum!!!"
By now we don't argue anymore. We discuss and work things out. Without an educational background, we just get along anyway and need to sort some things out... it actually feels like we are friends now.
Last night mom came home from her last night on her old school, saying good bye to her pupils, she had all dressed up and asked me for make up tipps. She came home about 1:30 in the morning and I was smoking a fag on the balcony. She came outside to join me and started telling me how her evening was. Not that I asked for it- she just came up and told me how it was, just sharing her experiance. Very nice. I guess I can learn that of her, just opening up and letting someone into my world spontaneously!
Yep, fair enough, friends it is, then...
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
#13 did i mention?...
Did I mention Dave is an absolute deseaster?
We stopped talking about 4 months ago because the conversation went a bit like
E: "Dave, I don't get why we are talking at all. You bore me"
D: "Well then, have a good life blahblah"
E: "Yeah, you have a good life too, blahhhh!"
So he came back online again and well... how are you Ellen, oh, that's good, when are you coming back to the UK?, what? Why 2 years??? Let's be friends... I miss you... can I see your tits? Willyou visit me next weekend? I'll pay. Why is that guy coming over? Well i heared that you said you two were friends, why don't you shag him anyway? No, I am not jealous...
And so on. Its just so over. I don't know why it's so hard for him to understand. Dave reacts to attention like a gummi bear to water, he blows up and gets soppy then he blows up even more and becomes disgusting...
The best thing I can do now is turning away. Again. I'm not even sad to be honest, it's just so stupid!
GAH! He says hes a brand new person and that he changed--- not only that this isn't true and that he is still blind about it... I actually couldn't care any less.
We stopped talking about 4 months ago because the conversation went a bit like
E: "Dave, I don't get why we are talking at all. You bore me"
D: "Well then, have a good life blahblah"
E: "Yeah, you have a good life too, blahhhh!"
So he came back online again and well... how are you Ellen, oh, that's good, when are you coming back to the UK?, what? Why 2 years??? Let's be friends... I miss you... can I see your tits? Willyou visit me next weekend? I'll pay. Why is that guy coming over? Well i heared that you said you two were friends, why don't you shag him anyway? No, I am not jealous...
And so on. Its just so over. I don't know why it's so hard for him to understand. Dave reacts to attention like a gummi bear to water, he blows up and gets soppy then he blows up even more and becomes disgusting...
The best thing I can do now is turning away. Again. I'm not even sad to be honest, it's just so stupid!
GAH! He says hes a brand new person and that he changed--- not only that this isn't true and that he is still blind about it... I actually couldn't care any less.
Monday, 2 July 2007
#12 the day after
came back from wedding yesterday and am now ill. sore throat, heavy legs, headache, snotty nose that keeps producing slime of a colour i didnt knew existed.
I am gonna tell more as soon as i stop seeing everything twice (*HATSCHIIIIII*) and spraying snot over the keyboard...
xxx
Ellen
I am gonna tell more as soon as i stop seeing everything twice (*HATSCHIIIIII*) and spraying snot over the keyboard...
xxx
Ellen
Thursday, 28 June 2007
#11 I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you by John Mayer
No i'm not the man i used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before i let you inside
Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
I will beg my way into your garden
And well I'll break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where i started
So i can want you back all over again
(I don't really understand)
Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
Who do you love?
Girl I see through, through your love
Who do you love?
Who do you love me or the thought of me? me or the thought of me?
Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
No i'm not the man i used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before i let you inside
Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
I will beg my way into your garden
And well I'll break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where i started
So i can want you back all over again
(I don't really understand)
Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
Who do you love?
Girl I see through, through your love
Who do you love?
Who do you love me or the thought of me? me or the thought of me?
Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
I don't trust myself with loving you
#10 the goodness
I asked someone what he thinks of me. I met him online and we have been talkng for a few days over few weeks now.
I think...
that you are a very sensitive caring person who is finding her way to be strong yet still be sensitive and in the process of building your confidence so that you truly be yourself and not be concerned with those who disapprove of you because I think you are learning that thost that disapprove of you are really insecure and jealous of the goodness in you
Thank you Chris...
People are in your life for a reason, a season, or forever...
I think...
that you are a very sensitive caring person who is finding her way to be strong yet still be sensitive and in the process of building your confidence so that you truly be yourself and not be concerned with those who disapprove of you because I think you are learning that thost that disapprove of you are really insecure and jealous of the goodness in you
Thank you Chris...
People are in your life for a reason, a season, or forever...
#9 a rainy day
At the moment it is alright to be on my own. I am me, with my music, I sing along quietly and I acutally feel whole. Still I want to share this feeling with people but not with somone speciffic.
When I stood on the balcony smoking a cigarette fine water particles sprayed over my bare shoulders, the rain was falling and the wind carried the mist on to my body. The green on the balcony is so refreshing to the eyes- I live in the middle of a metropole, only need to walk 5 minutes to be right in the center and still this my little oasis.
I see my life spread out in front of me, in a few weeks I'll have my very own flat again...
"Stop this train... I wanna get off and go home again, I can't take the speed it's moving in, I know I can't, but honestly, won't someone stop this train..."...
It took me 20 years of living to realise that I am not lonely. I am alone.
Where ever I go I will meet people that will walk a bit of the way with me and even just thinking of them will give me some strengh to walk by myself.
I think I just stopped looking for the other human being that completes me. I am whole. I am looking for someone who is too and who I can proudly walk next to...
"Don't stop this train, not for a minute change the place you're in, And don't think I couldn't ever understand, I tried my hand, honestly we'll never stop this train"
When I stood on the balcony smoking a cigarette fine water particles sprayed over my bare shoulders, the rain was falling and the wind carried the mist on to my body. The green on the balcony is so refreshing to the eyes- I live in the middle of a metropole, only need to walk 5 minutes to be right in the center and still this my little oasis.
I see my life spread out in front of me, in a few weeks I'll have my very own flat again...
"Stop this train... I wanna get off and go home again, I can't take the speed it's moving in, I know I can't, but honestly, won't someone stop this train..."...
It took me 20 years of living to realise that I am not lonely. I am alone.
Where ever I go I will meet people that will walk a bit of the way with me and even just thinking of them will give me some strengh to walk by myself.
I think I just stopped looking for the other human being that completes me. I am whole. I am looking for someone who is too and who I can proudly walk next to...
"Don't stop this train, not for a minute change the place you're in, And don't think I couldn't ever understand, I tried my hand, honestly we'll never stop this train"
#8 the dress
I went into town yesterday to buy something suitable for the upcomming wedding...
Having chosen about seven dresses I went to the changing room and tried the first one on. Tadaaaaaa! I didn't even try the others, it was like tailormade for me and when I stepped outside to look at myself in the mirror in the "hallway" I noticed all of the "husbands-waiting-for-their-wifes-to-finally-decide-what-they-want-being-bored"-heads turning torwards me. Yep, this is the dress. I didn't even try the other ones.
When I got home I turned the PC on and showed my favourite people my dress on the cam... how nice it is to get positive feed back. The thing that really convinced me of keeping this dress was Keith giving me a compliment. If you want to know what that feels like... being impressed with being able to see the Halley's comet, because it only happens once or twice in a lifetime(every 76 years...!).
I feel better about the wedding now. At least I won't look out of order, even though I might feel like it. I'll make sure to get a photo ... (see up ^^)
Having chosen about seven dresses I went to the changing room and tried the first one on. Tadaaaaaa! I didn't even try the others, it was like tailormade for me and when I stepped outside to look at myself in the mirror in the "hallway" I noticed all of the "husbands-waiting-for-their-wifes-to-finally-decide-what-they-want-being-bored"-heads turning torwards me. Yep, this is the dress. I didn't even try the other ones.
When I got home I turned the PC on and showed my favourite people my dress on the cam... how nice it is to get positive feed back. The thing that really convinced me of keeping this dress was Keith giving me a compliment. If you want to know what that feels like... being impressed with being able to see the Halley's comet, because it only happens once or twice in a lifetime(every 76 years...!).
I feel better about the wedding now. At least I won't look out of order, even though I might feel like it. I'll make sure to get a photo ... (see up ^^)
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
#7 episode 1 big impact songs...
New Deep - John Mayer
I'm so alive
I'm so enlightened
I can barely survive
A night in my mind
I've got a plan
I'm gonna find out just how boring I am
And have a good time
Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule
Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it's been
Is there a God?Why is he waiting?
Don't you think of it odd
When he knows my inner dwellings?
And look at the stars
Don't it remind you just how feeble we are?
Well it used to, I guess
Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fineI've been cool
With my new golden rule
Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it's been
I'm a new man
I wear a new cologne and
You wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed
I know what you'll say
'This won't last longer than the rest of the day'
But you're wrong this time
Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
I'm over the analyzing
Tonight
Stop trying to figure it out
Deep will only bring you down
You know, I used to be the back porch poet with a book of rhymes
Always open knowing all the time I'm probably
Never gonna find the perfect rhyme
For 'heavier things'
#6 wedding trouble
I have this friend who's gonna get married on the weekend, saturday. She asked me to come to her wedding. She is 20 now, about months younger than me, she's going to marry her boyfriend, an american soldier.
After talking to my mother about all of this I could take her advise and say yes, I am going to come. I am not happy about her decission, I feel like she doesn't have a plan for her life. All the time since I knew her she wanted to become a radio moderator and host. She started studying something unimportant here in Germany about 3 months ago, pretty much since she knew she was going to ger married. Suddenly I heared her say how much she wishes herself to have a baby. She used to be rather driven, did voluntary work in a local youth radio station and now her plan is going to the United States with him and getting pregnant, possibly studying (as the army pays for both of them, as far as I could figure it out) and well- to ma all this sounds like shes laying her life in his hands.
He english is good enough to communicate but I can't see her being a radio host. She has a strong german accent and grammatically theres not much that actually is a 100% right. LIving in america might sort a few things out, I understand that, but what happened to her dream, her goal? Did it disappear because she found someone who says loves her and she can love him back?
To those people I talked about this I told I am jealous on the one hand, me, who is so longing to get back out of Germany, but on the other hand I can't see myself being as blinded to give up my future. I finally came to have a plan for my career- and eventhough I can't wait to go this will help me to be able to move to where ever I want and earn money! I can't say how glad I am...
After talking to my mother about all of this I could take her advise and say yes, I am going to come. I am not happy about her decission, I feel like she doesn't have a plan for her life. All the time since I knew her she wanted to become a radio moderator and host. She started studying something unimportant here in Germany about 3 months ago, pretty much since she knew she was going to ger married. Suddenly I heared her say how much she wishes herself to have a baby. She used to be rather driven, did voluntary work in a local youth radio station and now her plan is going to the United States with him and getting pregnant, possibly studying (as the army pays for both of them, as far as I could figure it out) and well- to ma all this sounds like shes laying her life in his hands.
He english is good enough to communicate but I can't see her being a radio host. She has a strong german accent and grammatically theres not much that actually is a 100% right. LIving in america might sort a few things out, I understand that, but what happened to her dream, her goal? Did it disappear because she found someone who says loves her and she can love him back?
To those people I talked about this I told I am jealous on the one hand, me, who is so longing to get back out of Germany, but on the other hand I can't see myself being as blinded to give up my future. I finally came to have a plan for my career- and eventhough I can't wait to go this will help me to be able to move to where ever I want and earn money! I can't say how glad I am...
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
#5 sex and goooood sex
***
Elena was so kind to send me a link to a video on porntube, the manual (hehehe, litterately! Now that was a clever joke, huh?) to a womans g-spot-orgasm.
Now, dear men, as you might have noticed there is a very broad amount of women that start moaning when you fuck them, about half of them enjoy what you're doing, about 7% can actually cum only due to penetration.
I belong to the other 93% that need either clitoral or g-spot-massage to cum. And I am so fed up with men giving me all the disappointed looks and hurt egos because they couldn't make me cum just by sticking something inside me (I always wonder if they don't think about the fact through that canal usually babies are born and we definately don't want to have a equivalent sensation to that as to you're so thought-of wonder cocks!).
She asked me if I have ever had someone do that to me and when I thought about it I said yes, as I remebered my ex Dave.
"Dont think he every watched that, this was just his way of fingering- possibly the only good reason why i stayed with him for so long" ^^
So there's sex and theres good sex. Sometimes I wonder if the female orgasm is part of sex in some mens minds, or more like a bonus.
And I admit I don't need to cum to feel happy sleeping with someone. But still my sex drive is pretty much through the roof and if on the very "rare" occasions I have sex I lack satisfaction afterwards its like sitting a starving puppy in front of some puppy food and have it have a look at it and maybe sniff once or twice and then taking the bowl away from it.
Its just not fair, is it.
It sounds so easy but if I should ever find a man that lives up to my sex drives expectations I might be rather seducted to marry that one. Only if hes smart and wonderful as well of course. =D
Trust me, this won't be the only time that you'll read my outlook on sex and all having to do with it... I' like a bloody 13 year old - giggleling and being stupid about naughty topics and still blushing when someone says "Nice ass!!!" to me.
#4 dancing to myself
***
Last night after having cleaned my room out I still didn't feel like I was exhaused (astunnishing concidering the (a)mount of trash I brought downstairs to throw away!!!).
Pushed the "on"-button on "my" mp3-player. Live concert, cheering crowd, drums starting the whole thing off... I light candles and my hips start moving. In the beginning I don't even notice but then some deep warmth in my belly tells me to move my hands and arms, my feet start to feel light and I start dancing...
The shaddows on the wall show me my soft silhuette and I feel like I am playing a theatre play for myself, no speciffic topic, just that it's all about me and only me.
Maybe I can't name the exact poit when I "fell in love" with myself and it doesn't matter in the end, what it comes down to is nothing I'd be able to put in words...
#3 Words...
I have a passion for words and languages.
I started out quite alright in school, then came the big bang of my dad moving out and I forgot how to write, read, calculate- over night. I think this is when my impressively diastrous school career started off.
Mom and me moved out of our rural contry house (landlord being as kind to kick the freshly made single parent and her 7 year old daughter out) to Cologne, into one of the flats in my grandfathers lovely cityhouse. She practised pretty much every day with me so I could catch up on what I forgot of the first year of school, went to work and started studying to become a teacher.
For some reason and even though I hated the lessons with my mom, having to write texts she was dictating, I got into reading. Maybe my passion for being read out to as child and my books on tape got me into the whole thing. I loved and still love escaping into a world in between pages... besides from that it is what binds me and my best friend Elena together. Both obsessed with books.
Today I am blessed by the internet and mp3's that allow me to take books into my pocket where ever I go and disappear into another world by walking on the streets, shopping or while paining and drawing.
Some idiot once said that childrens books are silly and since then most parts of human kind that can read think they are for kids only.
I happily admit that I have a deep passion for Harry Potter books and I am convinced that people that read the same books like me in their childhood are most likely to understand and conncet with me.
Who hasn't read Pipi Longstockings, Momo and the Never Ending Story, Lotta, The Green Cloud should feel free to... it's about time!
Learning English opened my eyes for many new things but the most shocking thing possibly was that it opened my eyes for my mothertongue German. I came to think that those who never learn a foreign language miss out on something important. The conflict of having to try your very own and personal way of finding the words that suit you, to have to identify yourself with your own language first before you can do that, the insecurity and that you have to get over your fear of making mistakes and getting used to that until you don't make them anymore- all that had a deep impact on me. Reaching your point of utter confusion thinking in the one language, saying it in the other or mixing the languages up... it had me realise how much every one of us puts meaning into every word we say just by being able to express ourselves...
I started out quite alright in school, then came the big bang of my dad moving out and I forgot how to write, read, calculate- over night. I think this is when my impressively diastrous school career started off.
Mom and me moved out of our rural contry house (landlord being as kind to kick the freshly made single parent and her 7 year old daughter out) to Cologne, into one of the flats in my grandfathers lovely cityhouse. She practised pretty much every day with me so I could catch up on what I forgot of the first year of school, went to work and started studying to become a teacher.
For some reason and even though I hated the lessons with my mom, having to write texts she was dictating, I got into reading. Maybe my passion for being read out to as child and my books on tape got me into the whole thing. I loved and still love escaping into a world in between pages... besides from that it is what binds me and my best friend Elena together. Both obsessed with books.
Today I am blessed by the internet and mp3's that allow me to take books into my pocket where ever I go and disappear into another world by walking on the streets, shopping or while paining and drawing.
Some idiot once said that childrens books are silly and since then most parts of human kind that can read think they are for kids only.
I happily admit that I have a deep passion for Harry Potter books and I am convinced that people that read the same books like me in their childhood are most likely to understand and conncet with me.
Who hasn't read Pipi Longstockings, Momo and the Never Ending Story, Lotta, The Green Cloud should feel free to... it's about time!
Learning English opened my eyes for many new things but the most shocking thing possibly was that it opened my eyes for my mothertongue German. I came to think that those who never learn a foreign language miss out on something important. The conflict of having to try your very own and personal way of finding the words that suit you, to have to identify yourself with your own language first before you can do that, the insecurity and that you have to get over your fear of making mistakes and getting used to that until you don't make them anymore- all that had a deep impact on me. Reaching your point of utter confusion thinking in the one language, saying it in the other or mixing the languages up... it had me realise how much every one of us puts meaning into every word we say just by being able to express ourselves...
#2
Lately started talking a lot to my ex again. First big love. Not for him though.
Didn't imagine it to be as easy, after having my heart broken but it's lovely to have him wind me up and tease back, talk about important stuff and just chit chatting about...
Time to introduce important people in my life.
Mom: She's sorta old by now but still hot (says everyone else), teacher, slight anger management problem but still a lovely, loving person. Got my green eyes from her. My bad conscience speaks to me in her voice...
Claus: Mom's boyfriend, my ex science-teacher, very great guy that I live with right now. I don't really know him though. More on the interlectual side than on the creative or handy-crafty one, random singing and noise-making, best thing that ever happened to my mom, as far as i can see.
Dad: Kinda even older... 5o-something last time I checked, rather alternative life-style, talks and thinks (too) much, doesn't get a move on in the most inconvinient moments of life, very lovable thing (Got that from him as well but working on it myself). I guess I owe him my passion for human beings and minds.
Andrea: Calling here Mamadrea, my dads wife and plain gorgeous, very loving, warm and hectic person, clever, analytical and outspoken, tends to be too harsh on people, has been my second mom since I was 6.
Willem: My step-bother, Andreas son, who has been a part of my life since I was four or so, so damn funny and caring from what I remember, we don't have too much contact anymore though. He always smells really good! Still he is my brother and I'll be sure to take care of him when he needs me.
Elena: My best friend here in Germany and ANYWHERE in the world. Lives about 120 miles away from me, we went to school together. Goes to uni, is the kind of person that always has long term relationships and pisses me off with it, knows me better than anyone else and especially because of that tends to missjudge me...
-***-
Keith was the man I easily and happily would have stayed the rest of my life with. He lives near Milton Keynes/ England. and yeah... you better keep yor hands off him, otherwise I'll find a way to break them...
Dave was my first proper boyfriend and first big love- besides from very nice moments its been a horror trip and I only realised months later how horribly we treated eachother (more his fault in my eyes though ^^). He lives in London/England and works as geek.
MEN in my life in general seem to many to mention, I love them.
Most important person in my life is
ME
(since shortly)
I'm 20, have gone through enough shit in my life to be told that in my case "age is just a number" by old people and oh well... I am Trouble. No, actually, theres really people that call me by that name- It suits me. I got a big talent in life- I survive the shit I get myself into. I am damn proud of that...
Didn't imagine it to be as easy, after having my heart broken but it's lovely to have him wind me up and tease back, talk about important stuff and just chit chatting about...
Time to introduce important people in my life.
Mom: She's sorta old by now but still hot (says everyone else), teacher, slight anger management problem but still a lovely, loving person. Got my green eyes from her. My bad conscience speaks to me in her voice...
Claus: Mom's boyfriend, my ex science-teacher, very great guy that I live with right now. I don't really know him though. More on the interlectual side than on the creative or handy-crafty one, random singing and noise-making, best thing that ever happened to my mom, as far as i can see.
Dad: Kinda even older... 5o-something last time I checked, rather alternative life-style, talks and thinks (too) much, doesn't get a move on in the most inconvinient moments of life, very lovable thing (Got that from him as well but working on it myself). I guess I owe him my passion for human beings and minds.
Andrea: Calling here Mamadrea, my dads wife and plain gorgeous, very loving, warm and hectic person, clever, analytical and outspoken, tends to be too harsh on people, has been my second mom since I was 6.
Willem: My step-bother, Andreas son, who has been a part of my life since I was four or so, so damn funny and caring from what I remember, we don't have too much contact anymore though. He always smells really good! Still he is my brother and I'll be sure to take care of him when he needs me.
Elena: My best friend here in Germany and ANYWHERE in the world. Lives about 120 miles away from me, we went to school together. Goes to uni, is the kind of person that always has long term relationships and pisses me off with it, knows me better than anyone else and especially because of that tends to missjudge me...
-***-
Dave was my first proper boyfriend and first big love- besides from very nice moments its been a horror trip and I only realised months later how horribly we treated eachother (more his fault in my eyes though ^^). He lives in London/England and works as geek.MEN in my life in general seem to many to mention, I love them.
Most important person in my life is
ME
(since shortly)
I'm 20, have gone through enough shit in my life to be told that in my case "age is just a number" by old people and oh well... I am Trouble. No, actually, theres really people that call me by that name- It suits me. I got a big talent in life- I survive the shit I get myself into. I am damn proud of that...
#1
1.) I'm being stupid.
2.) Need stop shagging people that succeed escaping afterwards!
3.) Good morning world!
Since I lost my mp3 player the other week I stole mom's bf's one. Well stealing includes not asking for permission and I did that... should rather call it kidnapping as I didn't give it back. Yet. Discovered I can set the display to different colours and since them change the colour hourly ("orchid" at the moment, wondering if those people discovered that orchids have a wide vatiety of colours not just that nice purple-pink...).
Can't believe I am still hooked on John Mayer.
Daphi's fault. Um... who's Daphi? Daniel, swedish guy/musician with ice-cream truck (still trying to figure which of those makes him hot) I found on youtube. ("Daphi87" if anyone wanted to check on him)
Oh bless YouTube!!!
I gave my best to ignore "Your body is a wonderland" when it came out here in Germany, firstly because I had that judgemental idea of the song being cheesy and secondly because my english sucked back then so I didn't actually get into the idea of checking if I was right...
So now I downl... I organised myself all John Mayer music I could get hold of and am hooked since roughly about 2 or 3 months. Yeah yeah, politics, books and music--- big parts of my life.
And no, I am not trying to be boring, you are either blessed with that skill or you won't be able to truely bore people!
Feel like I'm in fucking England, all the rain in the middle of the summer makes me sick. Though England wasn't that rainy when I lived there, quite shocking! I don't feel like going outside, and if I do then only because I'm on some hormonal trip causing me to be in an incredibly good mood and then am the only person smiling foolishly walking through the inferno of water falling from the sky and messed up hair-do's.
Planning my holidays in Sweden and desperately hoping for bad weather while i stop by someones house (nope, not hot ice-cream-daphi), that might help to not leave the bed for a few hours, possibly days?!
But besides from that I am not sure what I'll do. Just gonna be interesting to see what lifes like over there, because all I know for now is that you spend a shitload of money on surviving... you pay for the air you're breathing, so they say...
For now this should be enough to start my new blog project...
I'm off back to music and trying to figure out how this works now...
2.) Need stop shagging people that succeed escaping afterwards!
3.) Good morning world!
Since I lost my mp3 player the other week I stole mom's bf's one. Well stealing includes not asking for permission and I did that... should rather call it kidnapping as I didn't give it back. Yet. Discovered I can set the display to different colours and since them change the colour hourly ("orchid" at the moment, wondering if those people discovered that orchids have a wide vatiety of colours not just that nice purple-pink...).
Can't believe I am still hooked on John Mayer.
Daphi's fault. Um... who's Daphi? Daniel, swedish guy/musician with ice-cream truck (still trying to figure which of those makes him hot) I found on youtube. ("Daphi87" if anyone wanted to check on him)
Oh bless YouTube!!!
I gave my best to ignore "Your body is a wonderland" when it came out here in Germany, firstly because I had that judgemental idea of the song being cheesy and secondly because my english sucked back then so I didn't actually get into the idea of checking if I was right...
So now I downl... I organised myself all John Mayer music I could get hold of and am hooked since roughly about 2 or 3 months. Yeah yeah, politics, books and music--- big parts of my life.
And no, I am not trying to be boring, you are either blessed with that skill or you won't be able to truely bore people!
Feel like I'm in fucking England, all the rain in the middle of the summer makes me sick. Though England wasn't that rainy when I lived there, quite shocking! I don't feel like going outside, and if I do then only because I'm on some hormonal trip causing me to be in an incredibly good mood and then am the only person smiling foolishly walking through the inferno of water falling from the sky and messed up hair-do's.
Planning my holidays in Sweden and desperately hoping for bad weather while i stop by someones house (nope, not hot ice-cream-daphi), that might help to not leave the bed for a few hours, possibly days?!
But besides from that I am not sure what I'll do. Just gonna be interesting to see what lifes like over there, because all I know for now is that you spend a shitload of money on surviving... you pay for the air you're breathing, so they say...
For now this should be enough to start my new blog project...
I'm off back to music and trying to figure out how this works now...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
