Elena shaved her hair off, I had a fall out with Chris and I acutally still have my massage therapy going.
Got the massages against my tense shoulder, its hightly interesting. Thw massage therapist is a real sweet and funny woman, very warm, pretty and young. We get along quite well.
Chris is pissed off because he told me something personal and I said it was boring. Yep, my stupid mouth again, it wasn't actually that boring, no fucking clue why I said that. Its really sad, i like him and he doesn't even reply to my mails. The weird thing is that I think afte appologising and being sorry there is no point in being pissed off with me for much longer, instread, shouldn't he talk to me and put me straight instead of being an ice cube? I miss him a lot. Feels shit like it is right now.
So proud of Elena, since she shaved her hair off... I am well impressed th her braveness and she looks great.
I'm a bit down because I don't like to fight and I want Chris to talk to me again though I know I am gonna have to be patient. And maybe een that won't be worth the time, depending how big his pride is.
Sorry for not writing for so long- I am buzy lately and I didn't fell like writing sometimes. Later xxx
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i dont know if i ever told you, but i felt now for quite some time i have to put some things right.
ive never felt superior to you, however it looked and however you felt about it.
i dont feel superior to your way of life, and neither do i feel inferior.
i dont think that the experiences any of us made, makes and will make are any better or worse or slower or faster or anything - its development, change, thats fucking different for every person on this bloody planet.
i dont like the way you talk about me and my relationships, and i also dont like when i feel inferior to you, which i often and often and often did in the past, and sometimes still do. i know that this is also an issue i have to work out in my head and not (only) with you, but since i kept from telling you that long, it has to get out now ;)
i wouldnt ever judge you for things like still sitting at home - just look at me there :D -, and i wouldnt ever even think that sitting at home doing 'nothing' makes your development stagnate. its crap.
whats an issue for me is that telling you of the stations of my development at the moment is like trying to tear down a mountain with a little fork as the only tool.
ive got quite some difficulties in telling you anything understandably and even more when i get the feeling that you dont take the things i take serious that way.
again i think im aware of me taking critic not all too easy, but what i absolutely loathe is when someone doesnt take serious what i say and feel about something.
its ok if you dont, but you dont need to tell me.
i dont tell you 'oh, see how things worked out with your last lover!' also - which also comes from me thinking differently about that.which comes from not judging things before i know anything about them, and also from knowing about THAT issue at least that said sentence just hasnt got anything to do with your life as well as the purpose and the experiences you strive for.
im not sure if you know that i take that serious...
anyway... i hope you know that im always proud of you because you ARE you, and not because of what you do. BEING is always connected to change, and the DOING is only the sideeffect of that.
just wanted to tell you.
volvox.
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